you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
