marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
