if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
