I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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