I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
