he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
