Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize