You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
