her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
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No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
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I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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