I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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