You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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