I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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