I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
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he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
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