maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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