I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
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I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
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Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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