dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
