5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
