All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
