no, he came in my armpit
they need to just BURY HIM!
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
