he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
