dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize