Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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