It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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