we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
