We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
