So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i think my mom watched the whole time
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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