Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
