do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
