sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
