I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
