You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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