i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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