Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
