Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
