He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
