Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
