could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
