Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize