I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
