You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
