Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
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Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
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Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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