You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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