Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
