God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
