He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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