if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
