Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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