Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
