Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
