i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
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