someone get that fucking seahorse.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
