this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just gargled with NyQuil
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
