i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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