birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
