Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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