this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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