Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
