would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
