I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
