I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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