Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
