I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
