I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
