So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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