the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
