I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
A+ Viking dick
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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