I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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