im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
