Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I checked into jail on foursquare
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
